Born Under A Dark Sign

Here we are, on the cusp of the most historical event this country has ever seen. Tickets to the ushering in of the most exciting moment in these-here-times, are harder to score than a box of Trojan Twisted Pleasure condoms in Salt Lake City.


The first President Of The United States with a PDA.



Many thought we'd never see the day a Commander-in-Chief would use a tool, rather than being one. After eight years of ideological philosophy that made the Dark Ages look like A Santa Cruz granolagirl jamboree, there's a light on the horizon, and it's not a laser-guided Hellfire aimed at the Constitution.

We have target acquisition Mr. President.

Fire at will General.

Target eliminated Mr. President.

Completely?

Well... Yeah, pretty much.

Wow, Dick. They never suspected it wasn't really him.

And they never will Harry.

BANG!

An era of change. The passing of the generational bedpan to the new breed of Rock Band Pogo Stickers that will put a stop to the microwave speed of glacier melting, give the boys down in Guantanamo, their own Kindles preloaded with copies of “I'm OK, You're OK” and “Dilbert 2.0,” develop a boidegradeable Toyota Pretentious, and push the equatorial balance back to the left where it God damn well belongs.


Social Commentator Jonathan Pontell, coiner of the new generational label: “Generation Jones”, barfs it up this way: “Jonesers are idealistic, he says, but not ideological like boomers. "Boomers were flower children out changing the world. We Jonesers were wide-eyed, not tie-dyed."
And Obama, he says, is "a walking, living prime example of Generation Jones. He's a classic practical idealist. It's not the naive idealism of the '60s."

Ohhhh, that's right. I forgot about the Substitute for Experience Chip the Generation Joneser's were implanted with when they were downloaded from the womb. A pre-lobal implant that enables them, to access Google from anywhere on the planet in order to confirm their decisions are correct. It is with this unimpeachable surety of correctness that Joneser's will be able to put racial and gender inequities to rest once and for all. Give everyone a place in the buffet line. And equal opportunity for an affordable, advanced education at an Ivy League college near you.

Keeping up with the Joneses is going to be tougher than it ever was. There won't be time for ancient frivolities of the forefathers and mothers. There won't be time for idolizing James Hilton Dean. They won't be arranging their schedules to make sure they don't miss Wheel of American Idol Fortune. If the Beatles Brothers Jonas showed up on our shores today, they'd be laughed out of the stadium.
Take your matching suits and haircuts, your catchy little pop tunes and hit the road you limey fucks.



We've got shit to do. Important shit. Like puking the most intimate details of our lives all over You Tube. Building passionate, long lasting relationships with someone we've only met over Yahoo Instant Messenger.

I don't know dude. I'm starting to feel tied down.

She like fucking txted me twice last night.

Bro, she lives in another country.

Still man, it's getting too heavy.


We're learning about the cultures and traditions of those who live around us by Goggling it while we have our iPod ear-buds dangling out of our skulls like 20,000Hz umbilical cords. Nothing says: cultural awareness, like a white guy with dreads and a hemp hat slamming back a Venti chai latte in downtown Dallas.

The naive and misguided efforts of previous generations will be getting a 404: Not Found from now on.

The Ludicrous Civil Rights Act passed in 1964. (Not to be confused with that previous abomination passed in 1866. WTF were they thinking?)

The bullying defeat of fascism in Europe in WWII. (That one cost a few bucks. And for what? To bitch-slap one little German dude?)

The hoity toity Marshall Plan, rebuilding Japan, and making them our allies. (Dig the sake bongs though.)

The arrogant assumption that technology held any of the solutions to the world's problems. The indulgent creation of NASA, the building of the Saturn rockets, going to the moon. Tang. (Some Swiss dude already came up with Velcro in 1941. Crack a book grandpa.)

The vandalism of the Berlin wall. (Was it our fault they were standing on the wrong side when it went up?)

The capitalist corruption, and ultimate down fall of the Soviet Union. Freeing all those fuzzy little foreigners to invade our shores looking to make their greedy little lives better. (Look. They got themselves into that Gulag mess, let 'em get themselves out of it.)

One asks themselves, where does it all end. Thank Buddha someone who knows what they are doing is taking over the helm. “Make it so number one.”
The problem with labels -Generation or otherwise,- is that they have no substance. They are a means to identify something, but have nothing to do with actual results. It's a great sign to hang out to let everybody know there's a new Sheriff in town. But new is no guarantee of better.

The assertion is that Obama represents a generational shift away from the ideological poles that the Boomer generation has up it's ass. Unwilling to compromise any part of their belief system. Polarized and hateful of the other side and their ideas and beliefs. This new group of trailblazers has none of that. These people are here to work, get things done. Didn't you get the e-memo on your commemorative Barackberry? All you have to do is look at any chat room or comments section of a news outlet or blog for proof of the universal blissful, cooperative spirit washing across the country like a gentle wave of organic tofu.

It just makes you feel squishy all over.

Don't get me wrong, I'm on board the Obama bullet train to better living. I've placed a lot faith that he's going to be the one guy who will actually do the fucking job he was hired to do, rather than being in it for the killer parking space at the office. I'm a big Bill Clinton fan. But if you can't trust a guy with your sister, do you really want to trust he can bring life back into a dying country? As far as I can tell, Obama is probably our last and only hope at this moment in time.

To give credit to the cheerleaders of change: They're right. We can't afford any mistakes. We can't afford the old way of doing things that have been the SNAFU for so many years. The glad-handing, mobsters with Cheshire Cat grins who drug us into this thermonuclear pit of economic breakdown, and a 'walk the plank' job market will never be brought to task for committing an act of terrorism on their own people so brutal that even Osama's boys said: “That's some fucked up jihad shit. Let us get this one, you guys drove.”


The fear I have, is that when it doesn't all get better at the end of his second week in office, everyone's gonna start whining like someone stole the prize out of their Cracker Jacks. This is gonna be a long haul, and we're going to lose some people along the way. I may be one of them. I've got the gun but I can't afford the bullets.

If you're one of the Joneses, believe in yourself, but don't get full of yourself. You have a heavy burden on your shoulders. But there's two things to remember about that burden:

The Mr. & Mrs. Smith Gen., the Gen. Browns, and Gen. Van Schaacks are all shouldering it as well. None of us are on the sidelines in this. And all the Gens. that came before you shouldered some pretty heavy shit of their own. There might be a couple of them you want to listen to.

Keep The Faith

Jonathan Pontell quote source material came from:” In Obama, many see an end to the baby boomer era”
Written by AP National Writer: Jocelyn Noveck
AP 1/11/2009

Grim Reaper Image By: Anne Stokes 2007
www.annestokes.com